Do I have Shaken Baby Syndrome from sneezing?
I’ve sneezed my way through an entire box of Kleenex during the last two days. That does not include the sneezes I’ve smothered into the bent of my elbow. Each sneeze initiates a violent head snap like whiplash. With all that Sudden Head Movement, I think I’ve loosened my brain from its natural moorings. I’m sure I’ve killed off enough brain cells to have shrunk my brain size by way of age and natural atrophication.* During a sneeze session, why wouldn’t my now loosened brain bounce around inside my skull like a ping-pong ball in a class five hurricane? Wouldn’t that violent movement effect the functionality of my brain?
Why do I think I have Adult Onset Shaken Baby Syndrome? I cannot remember anything. Nothing. Nada Zilch. Where is my purse? Every day I spend time searching the bedroom, my office, the family room, the kitchen, and, yes, the car for its current hiding place. The solution would be simple: always keep my purse in the same place. But, I’d have to remember to do that. See the problem? Did I turn on the drier? Is there anything in the drier? What’s the name of the fingernail polish I’ve worn for the last two months? I don’t know, but it goes with everything I wear. Where on earth is the remote control? Is this the right one for this TV?
I shudder when I drive any where near blooming Accursed Acacias. I know I am in for a session of rapid fire sneezes while I am at the wheel. Yes, Acacias are currently laden with yellow blooms, or are those plumes of pure pollen? Haven’t you noticed the light yellow dusting on your car?
I’ve been treated for allergies for 34 years. Yes, I take allergy shots, swallow Allegra, and use prescribed steroid nose spray. If I didn’t do all that, I would have to lug around an oxygen canister so I could breathe – that is, if I could remember where I put it.
Maybe I’ll make medical history as the first diagnosed case of Adult Onset of Shaken Baby Syndrome as a Result of Violent Sneezing. Then, I could write a book about it.
Now. What was I talking about? I can’t remember.
*Atrophication – new medical term – what the end result of atrophy looks like.